Review For lust
Author: lust;
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/mocking_lust
Status : One Shot
Reviewer: SaMaNtHa @ Mysterious Souls
Title: 5/5
Since this title was given to you I don't think I'm going to dock any points!
Poster/Background: 5/10
The poster and background is really pretty. But pretty doesn't cut everything. The poster and bg should of been more dark because the story itself was dark. The bg was also very plain but it made the font easy to read. The poster was really pretty but I don't get why you put segals in the poster? Other than that it was good!
Forewords: 4/5
The foreword was okay. You told us the background information gave us your characters name and also gave an authors note. BUT it was really short. I understand that not all authors like to give information on their characters but it helps your readers know what their roles are in the story, in the forewords you only gave us their name.
The way you wrote your foreword was good! You wrote enough so that the readers got a clue of what your story was going to be about! So I'm giving you 4 out of 5 because of the length!
Plot: 13/15
The start of the story was really weak and confusing but after I read the other chapter it all came together! I thought it was really well written, it was different and uniqe, different from the other stories I read so far! I'm docking some points because the beginning of the story. The beginning of a story should be the strongest part of anyone's story because its the hook of the story. So next time remember to mske your beginning strong and your ending stronger.
Flow: 10/10
The flow was good! It wasn't too slow nor too fast it was good! You did a great job at lengthening your time line plus the POV's it was really well done!
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/15
The spelling was good there were no mistakes while I was reading. The vocabulary was very basic, you should expand your vocabulary. If you do you will get a higher grade.
Your grammar was very confusing.
Right away I when I read your story I saw your sentence structure, and how you wrote your sentences it was confusing.
I closed the phone and I looked in the mirror that was in my bedroom really quick.
It was almost our promised time to meet, and we were going to be meeting at his house.
I'm almost dying to go and see him right now.
You word your sentences really weird because of the choice of words. So to me it didn't make sense it was also very distracting. This is also why your grammar is bad.
This is how you should of wrote your sentences.
I closed the phone and quickly looked at the mirror in my room. It was almost time to meet oppa. We were going to meet at his house. I can't wait to see him, I'm dying of excitement right now!
Characterization: 8/10
The characters were okay. I don't think there were much about the characters and their personalities. You didn't explain a lot about Jonghyun or the fictional girl. All I i know is that she was a psycho but that's it. I don't feel that you did a great job on the charcters there were little details about them. So next time I think you should use more details and give your readers more information about your characters.
Originality: 10/10
This section is 10 points out of 10! I can tell that this storyline was your own. It was different from other stories I've read so far!
Writing style: 8/10
Your writing style was neat and understandable. You used both dialogue and description. All was good but the details were lacking. You need to add more details so that the readers can picture what you were picturing in your head while writing your story. Details will also help your readers understand the story more.
Overall enjoyment: 5/10
I really didn't enjoy it at first BUT once I started to read further into the story I enjoyed it. It was really different so it captured my attention!
Overall score: 75/100