Review for Tammy
Author: Tammy
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Tammy/
Status: Ongoing
Reviewer: SaMaNtHa @ Mysterious Souls
Title: 4/5
The title is very interesting and different. Once I saw the title, I really wanted to read. I don't really see the connection with the title or plot so... But it is still ongoing so maybe you'll connect the plot and title somehow.
Poster/Background: 8/10
The poster and bg was very pretty. The poster included the cast, title, and quote. I also liked the emotions that comes with the poster, once I saw it I can tell that your story was going to be a sad or a unhappy story which was kind of true. I liked how the poster portrayed the emotions in the story. The background was plain, it didn't really have anything on it but the faded words/title/quote. It should of had the red and blue flower on the bg to make it seems less plain.
Forewords: 3/5
Your foreword was good. You added all the things that are suppose to be included in the forewords. You had a prologue, background information, and authors note. You also stated who the characters were in your story. The length was good. As I stated you included a prologue but for what I think; it wasn't catchy. While I was reading it in my head I was saying this is going to be one of those cliche story. So next time put more thought and dramatize your prologue a bit so it will catch your readers attention.
Plot: 8/15
Your plot is cliché, I think that it was simple and a very common plotline. There were no excitement while I was reading the fic. There were a lot of conflicts though. You added a lot of conflicts on how Jaejoong was too naive to tell Mia his real feelings and making Donghae help them find their true self at the end. It was good but very cliche, it was very predictable also. I think you could've done a better job with the plot you had, you could of dramatized it more and added a whole lot of stuff in it but you kept it simple.
Flow: 6/10
The beginning of your story was pretty fast. It would've been more interesting if you made your readers wait and anticipate the agreeing to fulfill Mia's wish, but you didn't do that. It all happened so fast so the emotion and happiness wasn't really there for me. And also when Mia went to live with DBSK, the flow was also very fast, because she felt comfortable and showed her true self instantly. Shouldn't she wait to show her true self? The feelings that Jaejoong felt for Mia was also a bit fast, a person can't fall in love that quick. I thought that your timeline wasn't very well balanced, in the first half of your fic. But the second half was much better. You did really improve on your timing, you lengthen the story's timeline well but it still needs work.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15
You had a lot of spelling errors, they were only small mistakes but they can also be very distracting, so reread and revising is a good idea.Some example of your spelling mistakes,1: buys = boys2: it = inSee they are only small mistakes, they aren't that big of deal but it is very distracting; like I said before. Your grammar was good, I didn't notice any grammar mistakes. Your vocabulary was pretty basic, you had a limited of bigger or exotic words. You used basic/small words, expanding your vocab can help you make your sentence or story more interesting. So its a good thing to expand your vocabulary.
Characterization: 7/10
Your characterization wasn't that clear to me. Your main characters were Mia and Jaejoong. I didn't really get their personalities. I get the picture of it but you didn't really explain much about their personalities because you had too much dialogue. You showed the readers more talking than descriptions. You need to work on giving your characters a stronger personality and make them pop out more.
Originality: 6/10
Umm... the originality, like I said on the plot section, it wasn't that original, I know that the plot was yours but it had a lot of similarities with other stories.
Writing style: 5/10
Your writing style is neat and understandable but you added a lot of dialogue and not enough description which leads to lack of details. I think you were too caught up with the dialogue that you forgot to add descriptions and details. Details is the thing that makes your readers connect with your story. Next time you should have a fair amount of dialogue and description.
Overall enjoyment: 7/10
I thought that it was okay. Most parts I enjoyed but then again other parts I didn't enjoy because it was predictable.
Overall score: 67/100